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I’ve come across many definitions and accounts of what an ego-death actually is, what it consists of and what it looks like, but none of them seems to convey what actually happens or what may manifest. Some people refer to this process as the dark night of the soul, and it is indeed marked by inner and outer transformation in one’s life, however, I normally reserve this term dark night exclusively for the Kundalini awakening process when one is forced to confront and clears one’s own hidden and sub-merged darker nature.
An ego-death is when a person has their subjective, self-conceptual and mind constructed self-identity dissolved or removed. When a person stops self-identifying with this mind belief system we sometimes refer to as the ego or false-self, which is typically maintained through strong self-identification by being completely lost and self-identified in thought, only then will a person begin the process of being birthed into a higher form of consciousness operated through the most often silent inner sense of intention. As this process occurs, it is like a snake shedding its old skin, however, within the context of a person, this all takes place internally within the space of our mind-psyche and consciousness.
The ego-death process can be quite traumatic to go through when part of the person is still identified with the mind belief identity whilst transitioning and crossing over into their higher consciousness. This is rather like simulataneously thinking one thing in mind, whilst at the same time, the newly revealed higher consciousness operates from true intention and really wants to be doing another thing. These difference create a conflict and inner discordance between these two identities, of which one is the true-self of consciousness and the other is the illusory false-self of the ego hanging on. Unless one has been diligently studying spiritual awakening texts or ascension articles at the time that this process occurs for them, then it is usually completely unknown to the individual that there exists a more fundamental and truer more authentic part of themselves.
In order for the individual to heal and stabilise, this internal conflict needs to be resolved by the old ego mental-identity being allowed to be shed and the higher consciousness taking over and being revealed. In order to give you a metaphorical reference for this, imagine yourself a two-headed snake or dragon, both of which have different ideas about what they would like to be doing given the choice. Eventually one side will completely disappear as you transition to the other side, however, this transition process can be quite traumatic, especially to the mind-self which doesn’t really exist, which can cause mild to extreme mental instability or personal difficulty and suffering, however, whilst this process can be uncomfortable, it is not a form of mental illness in of itself but belongs to a new category of psychospiritual transformation, spiritual emergence or spiritual crisis.
In my personal case, my ego-shedding or “ego-death” process caused the above split between my ego-mind and higher consciousness which was witnessed by my NHS mental health crisis team at the time. The mental ego “I” wanted to do one thing based upon my ordinary old and familiar thinking processes and then the true-self or higher consciousness wanted to do another thing of which I wasn’t in tune or alignment with. During this period I discovered that I had some unknown but strange gifts including the ability to communicate telepathically with people’s own higher consciousness.
This inner conflict made me very destabilised in my inner world and sense of self and it initially required a period of medication which included a combination of Diazepam to help sedate and relax me under extreme circumstances and internal duress and also to fall asleep, however, I don’t recommend becoming dependent upon any drugs, particular diazepam as it’s derived from opioids and can become quite addictive. I also took a range of anti-psychotics including Clonazepam and Olanzapine for a short period of time. Many antipsychotic drugs work by temporarily lowering conscious awareness and suppressing thoughts which create may create a period of re-identification with the old shedding mental-ego if it is not completely removed.
This re-identification process with the false mind self is why those going through a spiritual awakening will most often reject or do their best to reject any use of antipsychotic medication out of fear that this will sabotage their awakening. This was the view that I subscribed to after I emerged from a psychiatric ward, but at the time I believe it’s better to surrender to this process whilst under their care as it can result in a lot of personal suffering. So I took the drugs for a short period and then went to great effort to undo the total identification process that had re-occurred which temporarily placed me back under the influence and direction of the mind, which for a period of time became the one thing that I feared most because I correctly believed that I would once again fall unconscious and be subject to influence of the negative ego influences stored in my character.
For already light or partially light polarised souls and consciousness a spiritual awakening maybe a blissfull transformative process. For dark polarity souls, a spiritual awakening will most likely be a nightmarish and traumatic process involving a Kundalini Dark Night of the Soul, which reveals all the core soul and shadow wounding underneath that many of us are as of yet unaware of, which will require additional healing in order for us to function properly. I found that even after my ego had been removed that I had a wounded inner soul and higher consciousness that conflicted with my healthy self-conditioned beliefs and it took a lot of work to re-create this harmonious synergy and balance of doing shadow work to un-doing negative identifications, beliefs, behaviours and habits and then recognising the better way of being to identify with. As this process meets its end, eventually the inner thoughts that highlight our own personal issues disappear and the mind becomes quiet for what may seem like the first time since being born or a small child where no negative ego had yet been taken on board.
The belief systems we put in place as part of a conditioned or programmed ego in such instances will reveal more internal core conflicts as the darker and unhealed aspects of ourselves become visible to us, often unknown to the personal ego self-identity we hold violent grudges against certain people, wounding surfaces in regards to our main sexual issues and a whole range of other toxic and highly negative attitudes, behaviours and beliefs become visible for clearing and healing by reenforcing, reasserting and re-acknowledging the positive beliefs that whcih we know to be right from wrong, which will eventually trigger a soul and consciousness re-identificaiton which becomes a core-belief. These core beliefs ensure that during subsequent reincarnations, we hold onto the wisdom and belief structures we need to ensure that we don’t keep re-living certain traumatic events or repeat our past mistakes as new people.
The process of shedding the old ego is an at the core of most spiritual awakening paths whether it be achieved through activating and raising Kundalini, doing prayer, meditation and seeking connection with the divine through often through the crown chakra located in the top of head and pineal gland (connection to spirit) within the brain whilst actively and intentionally seeking to do God’s will. There also exists the path of Selfless Service to Others in order raise one’s inner vibration and frequency. Sexual awakenings are often achieved through doing a combination of yoga, meditation and practising tantra which is what both the Buddha and Jesus Christ achieved during their time on earth as part of the ascension process back to the Kingdom of Heaven.
With the right support, encouragement, tools, knowledge, guidance and resources a person can be safely supported through even their traumatic spiritual awakening process and the old ego-self can be shed and the person born into their true higher consciousness essence whilst being guided through polarising as a light soul. Sometimes it might be necessary to take antipsychotics in order to remain stable and safe, however other times it will be an impediment that may threaten or hold back the process.
